FROM A BACKWOODS SOUTHERN LAWYER
By Franklin Edenfield
TILL DEATH (OR LAWYERS) DO US PART
(Some would argue that death and lawyers are unduly repetitious)
A really good marriage is an absolutely wonderful thing, but we have to accept the reality that fifty percent of marriages in the United States today end
in divorce. You can never plan for it (nor frankly should you), but there are certain things both of you can do to make it a small skirmish instead of an
outright take no prisoners battle. Here are some suggestions:
1. Both of you do not need to lawyer-up immediately. It is a simple fact of life that when the lawyers get involved, things get complicated and more
adversarial. Matters also tend to slow down and a divorce is one of those situations where time is not on anybody’s side.
2. There are any number of lawyers in the Savannah area that are certified mediators and before both of you prepare for an all-out battle, a good
faith effort to settle under the guidance of a trained mediator (who does not represent either side) is an excellent first alternative. It will definitely save
you money and the intangible value of an early settlement is simply incalculable.
3. The two of you have more assets now and they will disappear quickly. At the beginning of this process the two of you have what amounts to a
bucket of assets that will immediately start to dwindle. The lawyer, or lawyers, will reach in and take their share. Every expense the two of you had
living together will now effectively be doubled and unless one of you is Bill Gates’ illegitimate child, the bottom of that bucket will soon become very
visible. The more you fight, the sooner that happens. You will never ‘win’ a divorce and, if that is your goal, accept the fact that in the end you will be
sorely disappointed, emotionally depleted, and broke.
4. Don’t ever ever forget the children. It is a sad reality that in the vast majority of divorces, children will be involved. The younger they are the less
they will understand what is happening. It is both of your jobs to try and make this as painless for them as possible. Don’t make them weapons; don’t
use them as bargaining chips, and under no circumstances, try to force them to take sides. Children don’t have a ‘side’ – they still love both of you
and all they know is that suddenly their world will not be the same as it was yesterday. Do everything possible, particularly compromising, to settle the
issues of custody, child support, and visitation at the outset. Take the children out of the equation and then the two of you can go about the business
of dividing bed sheets and dish towels.
A divorce is never painless but it does not have to be a complete bloodletting. You had a life before the divorce and you will, by necessity, have one
after. The quality of that life and how soon you begin to live it is up to you.
24 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | FEB 2020