LOVE, NOT ACTUALLY
A Love Advice Column by a Boy and a Girl Who Should Not be Giving Love Advice. Ever.
The Question this month is:
I came home from work early the other day to see my boyfriend close his laptop. While he was taking a shower, I decided to see what he was looking at
on his laptop and more importantly, why he closed it so quickly when I walked in the door. To my surprise, he was looking at porn. When I checked his
browser history, there was a ton of porn. Should I consider this cheating and leave him?
Boy’s Advice:
Wow! I can’t believe someone is asking this question. Yes hun, you should leave him. He doesn’t need someone in his life that’s going to snoop instead of simply
asking him what he was looking at. You probably look through his phone when he’s in the shower too. Of course he was looking at web pages full of ill repute. He
has YOU as a girlfriend after all! This is going to come as a surprise to you, but it has to be said. It’s normal for a guy (and a girl for that matter) to look at erotica.
99% of us do. Wanting to look at naked people is natural and healthy and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT! Unless, of course, it’s affecting him in a negative
way. Or maybe he’s just disgusted by how you’ve let yourself go and wants to look at something that’s going to turn him on. Either way, you should probably just
sit down, watch it with him, and y’all can talk about the first thing that “Pops up.”
Girl ’s Advice:
O.K. First of all, I would like to start with I completely agree with what HE said until he got to the ‘you’ve let yourself go’ statement, but let me get to that in a minute.
Here is the rock-solid truth - if you go looking for shit, you’re going find it and it’s not going to make you happy. Keep your roaming fing fings out of his phone
and out of his computer. Everybody has their secrets and you just mind your own young lady and stop hunting out his. If you are that insecure, become a nun. God
is not going to cheat on you. That having been barfed out and moving right along, porn is porn man. It’s 2020. Get with it or find someone that shares your values
and y’all can have boring sex for the rest of your life.
Now, as far as the ‘letting yourself go’ comment, my cohort in writing here clearly has some issues, as he beat that bitchy statement to a pulp last month as well.
Like women are the only ones that ‘let themselves go.’ Ugh. Men are equally to blame and just because the term is ‘dad bod’ doesn’t mean they ain’t fat. So, if you
have let yourself go, get an at home rowing machine and do it naked. Then you can see what “pops up”.
34 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | FEB 2020