MOVIE REVIEW
THE LIGHTHOUSE & RAMBO LAST BLOOD
30 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | FEB 2020
By Alaina Loughridge
Alright. So, before we get started here, I need to give y’all a bit of background on how all of this went to shit. Margie and I were flipping through the movies,
trying to figure out what to watch that is still relevant and what our people need and want to know. Right out of the gate, Margie wanted me to watch Maleficent.
I fenced that because I really just was not in the mood and Margie can talk all day long and I still do what I want (that is a flat out lie). I selected The Lighthouse,
not knowing anything about it, but I figured Tybee has a lighthouse and so why not?
Here is the why not! The info blurb says, “Two lighthouse keepers try to maintain their sanity while living on a remote and mysterious New England island
in the 1890’s.” After reading that, I was so down. What they failed to mention was that this pic is in black and white. I am not about black and white at all. Say
what you will, but I’m out. I suffered through 20 minutes of disappointment in the storyline, the characters and the color. Negatory. I do a lot for this book, but
I will not do that. Bye.
So, I give this movie 5 bottles of pond water because they lied to me. I cannot stomach a liar even though I myself am a pathological liar. Sue me.
Then, still in a movie watching mode and to defy Margie, who had absolutely forbade me from watching Rambo Last Blood because I guess she’s got a
grudge against Sylvester Stallone and the previous 27 films of Rambo, I clicked myself into it. I’ve seen every Rambo movie and it is what it is, man. Blood and
guts with a patriotic flair of ‘Yo, I got this.’ That having been said, here I go.
After 20 minutes, I picked up my remote to make sure that I was still watching what I thought I was watching. Unfortunately, I was. I do not know what
Sylvester Stallone was thinking when he signed up for this, but I am at a complete and total loss for words (lie). The storyline is Rambo is now ranching it out
and has developed a soft spot for his housekeeper and her daughter. So, the daughter gets kidnapped by the Mexican Cartel and just ugh to follow. It was
seriously the Hallmark Channel meets the ID Channel. I did not finish this movie.
I give this movie 1 bottle of Hope, because it might have a great ending, and 4 bottles of Despair, because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t.
Maleficent anyone??