Bartender
Chronicles By Paxton Willis
Selective Hearing Part 5
There are many things that annoy the service industry, most have been discussed already, these will be the last examples. It’s time to move on, I know.
The String Order
The String Order not only affects the parties involved in the transaction, but it needlessly lengthens the time of said exchange, causing the next in line to
wait even longer. A String Order is when your server asks what you would like, you ask for one item. When the server returns, you ask for another. When they
return with that, you ask for another. When they return, you ask for another and another and ahhhhhhhhh!
Now, there are circumstances where originally you were only ordering for yourself, then notice a buddy is empty while the server is gone, so you add to the
order. Totally within reason. If you know it’s gonna be 2 or more drinks and you wait for the return to ask again and again, because you’re too busy bro’fiving
Chad or yelling at Karen across the bar, it’s really a wrench in the system. Karen thinks you’re a douche anyway. Chad has been trying to sleep with your
girlfriend since you guys got together. Then when it’s time to pay the tab, you say, “Oh I only had the vodka sodas.” Well Brayden, you ordered all of the drinks,
so how dare I assume you were the sole tab keeper. It’s totally within reason if I know you, and you say, I’ll have a ___ on my tab and he’ll have a ___ on his
tab. Don’t be the team leader, do all the ordering all night and not expect to it all be under your name. Make clear the split situation from the jump and save
us all the trouble Trevor. This leads to the next type…
The “That can’t be how much my tab is” Person
“If that were my tab I’d be much more drunk.” No Meegan, you’re just an alcoholic.
“I don’t remember ordering that!” You forgot your mom’s birthday so there’s that, and those 5 aptly named mind-erasers didn’t help either. No one wants to
stare into the face of their vices. No one wants to come to the stark realization that they’re spending all their cash on hopeless romantic endeavors or wasted
brain cells, but you did, and they cost money.
“I don’t drink that much.” Yes you do, we all do, because of each other. Let’s at least try to enjoy it :)
40 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JUNE 2019