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Lessons & Letters
FRIENDSHIPS… YOU WIN SOME. YOU LOSE SOME.
As my fourteen-year-old daughter embarked on her first week of high school last week, the week
went 50/50 between good days and bad days. While the good days were really good, the bad days
were really bad. The kind of bad where I needed to have a stiff adult beverage in my hand in order
to handle all the “T.” “T” being the new up-to-date word for “gossip,” for those of you that don’t have
kids in school these days. Her bad days were built around a lot of different emotions and first-time
experiences that were overwhelming and confusing. A new campus, new faces, new classes, and basically
all the things every freshman experiences. For my daughter, it was “hell week.”
However, the tears she shed on those bad days, usually while sitting on my lap (yes, 14 and sitting in my lap… I
hope that never changes) were about her feeling that she didn’t have enough friends. Her little face cradled in her
hands as she seriously wept about this gut-wrenching fact. It was horrible and upsetting, but it was also cute and
memorable because I remember when I was where she is now. As her mom, I knew that so much of what she was
feeling was exactly what she is supposed to be feeling at this juncture in life. It is such a pivotal time for our kids
and the pressures of being popular by recognition means more than having two close friends. I remember it being
this way when I was in high school, almost 25 years ago.
While my heart went out to her and I sat there holding her… while sipping my rum and diet, I just prayed for God
to give me the right lyrics. We sat together for a few minutes waiting for her to calm her breathing and wipe the
tears from her face. In these quiet moments, I thought about all the friendships that I had and lost as a teenager
and the ones that I have had and lost over the most recent few years. It occurred to me that this struggle of
meeting and keeping friends is a lifelong process. It doesn’t start and end in high school. It doesn’t start and end
in college. In fact, it doesn’t stop starting and it never ends. It keeps happening, all the time, repeatedly. If we
are truly living and growing and moving forward in our life’s path, friendships of the past can fade or just sever
completely, while new relationships are being born. And the lesson to learn is that… it’s ok. It’s all ok! It’s perfectly
ok! It’s almost a reverse psychology as we get older in the sense that we sometimes try holding onto friendships
from our past that have already run their course, but because the friendship has been time stamped with double
digit numbers, the idea of letting it go becomes a bad thing. But it’s not. Let them go and hold tight onto the new
ones. These are the people that will breathe new air into us, teach us new things about ourselves. They will learn
who we are today and not as who we were back then. It’s a totally new experience and it’s healthy. I shared these
words with my daughter last week. Amazingly, she looked at me like I was kind of smart and said, “thank you Mom
for putting that into perspective for me.” What was even more amazing is that at the young age of 14, she was
able to sit and reflect with me on the friends that she has already had and lost or let go of.
I’ve always said and will say it for as long as I live…” Everything in this life is temporary.” Even friendships can be
temporary, and that’s ok. Take what they give and give them what you can give but be ok when the exchange isn’t
beneficial or real anymore. Learn to let go and be ok with spreading your wings again. Spread them as far and wide
as you can because I am certain that your new friends are looking for you too.
Always Thankful,
Nikki White
/turquoiseelephant.com
