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802 1st St, Tybee Island – 912-786-5466
205 Johnny Mercer Blvd, Savannah – 912-897-4448
32 Bull St, Savannah – 912-349-1380
22 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | JUNE 2018
MOVIE
REVIEW
By Alaina Loughridge
THE BEACH HOUSE
As y’all know, I love me some movie review. That being said, after
watching 15 minutes of The Beach House, I downed pen and paper
and changed the channel. Ugh. Due to this pic being filmed on Tybee
however, the real Editor of the Tybee Benchwarmer flat out told me to do
it and no if, ands or buts. Sigh. It is Tybee, so I put it off for a week until
Hallmark replayed it. I was an hour late clicking in, but I didn’t care and
neither will you.
Starring Andie McDowell, Minka Kelly and a surprisingly un-ageable
Chad Michael Murray, this movie sucked from beginning to end. It very
much mirrors The Last Song. We have a parent (Mom – Andie McDowell)
dying from Stage 4 cancer and this is her last summer ever and she
wants to spend it at her beach house with her ungrateful children. One
pregnant, due in two weeks; the other daughter, named Cara as in ‘car
uh’ is a total bitch and I wanted to throat punch her multiple times; and
then the son, who is a thieving weasel, who wants to be soap opera hot,
but just isn’t.
The whole movie (most of what I saw) is just flat out Hallmark kitsch.
Dripping with Southern False, all the actors must have spent their
rehearsal sessions at the bar. Especially the pregnant one who was due
in two weeks, gave birth in a hurricane, and was all spiffy with baby in
tow approximately 7 movie hours later. Nope. Hallmark or no, come on!
Everyone comes together in the end and la tee da.
I give this one bottle of Ultra Premium Ley .925 Pasion Azteca at a mere
$225,000 per bottle and if you are feeling groovy, throw in a cool 1.5
mil for the diamond encrusted bottle because the shots of Tybee are
excellent and it really showcases the beauty of “Salt” Island. The turtle
release and information are cool and well done. The bottom drops out
here: I give the last 4 bottles of this catastrophe to the bar mat gods -
some drop of everything you were pouring all night that has collected
in the crevices of that Jameson bar mat. May it fill the four remaining
bottles of this disaster.
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