Diving Into the Shallow
End of the Dating Pool
A Series of Hope, Despair & Laughter – Part 5
Pirate PedaleR
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Having exhausted every avenue of potential suitors, been ruined by
a variety of different plans gone awry and been beaten down by the
system, I decided to take a poll of just exactly what in hell other single
people are looking for. What does it take to get a date around here? Why
is this so damn hard? What in the name of happily ever after is going on?
So, slapping on my favorite flip flops, I hit the street looking for the truth.
Here is what I found and it’s not pretty.
As all of my faithful readers know, I have lowered my standards from
several must haves to two: You must have teeth and a job. Let’s see what
others are looking for and this is in no particular order and from both
men and women:
1. Couth – I get it.
2. Don’t be a raging alkie – I get that too.
3. Know how to kiss – at my age, if you don’t have that down yet,
well, join a convent and call it.
4. Huge boobs – obviously from a dude, but I believe in fair reporting.
5. Hates Nickelback – no wonder this person is dateless.
6. Bad breath – word up on that on.
7. No meth heads – yup yup
8. Hair maintenance – both uptown and downtown. If you don’t take
care of yourself, who will?
9. Be able to converse on a variety of subjects other than oneself
– I am completely down with that. Can’t very well talk to a stump,
now can we?
10. No pill poppers – self-medication is cool, but you also have to be
able to function and not drool on yourself in public.
After conducting this intensive search for the truth, I have decided that
everybody has their own idea of what they are looking for and it all just
boils down to being in the right place at the right time. Unfortunately
for me, that requires leaving my house (although my landlord does hire
the best-looking men for repair issues. The A/C guy – I want to take a
hammer to my unit once a week just to see that guy!!). So, get out there!
Go to the IGA and linger in the produce department. The laundromat is
just down the road and has a plethora of who knows what hanging out.
Another excellent option is the Tybean. If you find yourself a fellow coffee
lover, you are half way married already. It is also conveniently located
next to Huc A Poos which has booze and you can become very candid
with your next love affair over a bottle of Jameson! Oh, now the options
are endless. Take a deep breath and go!! Send me a full report.