You certainly can’t believe everything you hear on Tybee. Rumors run
rampant out here for the most miniscule reasons. You hug someone in a
bar one night and the next day you two are a couple as far as everyone is
concerned. You walk in on someone in the bathroom, next thing you know
you two are gay and on drugs.
One of these vile myths has to do with Breezy. The legend is that we will
do terribly reckless things, like cutting donuts in empty parking lots on late
nights. Of course, none of it is true. But, if it were true, these might be some
of those stories.
If I had ever done a “fun ride,” the first one maybe would have been because
one of our best customers might have been having a bad night and I wanted
to cheer her up. In that case, I would’ve gone to a big empty parking lot
near the lighthouse and spun a Figure 8. I don’t care what’s got you down,
spinning donuts will always put a smile on your face. It’s awesome! I would
do them by myself just for fun, if I ever did that.
Of course, that one customer is gonna wanna do them next time she’s in the
car, and now it’s a slippery slope. Someone here is gonna hear about it, and
they like donuts too. Now you’ve got 5 passengers and no one is getting out
until you take them on a “fun ride.” So now, every time these people are in
the car, you gotta do a fun ride. One problem with donuts is that they leave
evidence. Gravel in tire treads. Gravel everywhere really. Not to mention big
ruts in a parking lot.
Well, eventually word is gonna go around town. I imagine that when my Dad
hears about this he will be pissed, and forbid anymore runs to Krispy Kreme.
Then I imagine that later that VERY same night, after darts and a pint of
whiskey, my dear drunken father will demand that I take him on a “fun ride.”
Now, with a fully loaded Breezy, Dads gonna have the nerve to critique my
donut ability and egg me on to the point of spinning into a power line pole.
From all this a pattern is gonna get started. Sober Ron says, “No fun rides.”
Drunk Ron says, “My fun rides aren’t fun enough and tries to make me let
him drive drunk.” I’m sure that’s how it would’ve played out.
This act would go on like this for a while. I think what would finally turn me
off fun rides would be that one night when that back tire finally has enough
and blows out like a balloon. If that isn’t bad enough, not having a jack in the
trunk will really ruin your night. Thanks again Mr. Toyota FJ, you know who
you are. Explaining to the cops why you have a blown out tire in an empty
parking lot at 3am is gonna suck too.
Again, none of this ever occurred. It is all a myth. Anyone that tells you
different is lying thru their teeth, and I’ll sue them dammit!
34 TYBEE BEACHCOMBER | MARCH 2018
By Joey Goralczyk
FUN RIDES
OPENING
SOON!
1605 Inlet Avenue, Tybee
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