HUMOR
Understanding Margaret:
Not Webster’s Definitions
After we get married, many men, such as myself, learn that they have a
slightly different vocabulary than their wives. It took me awhile, but I now
understand that some words and phrases that I thought meant one thing
have a much deeper meaning when Margaret says them to me. For example, I
thought that when she said “fine,” that she meant everything was OK. I didn’t
realize that this was a word she used when we had a disagreement, and she
knew she was right and I was wrong, but that she would just let me find that
out for myself when I tried to do it my way.
Likewise, when she said “nothing,” I believed she was either saying
everything was all right, or that whatever she was going to say wasn’t that
important; I had no idea that “nothing” was her way of telling me something
and that I should be worried about it. This was particularly true when she
would tell me, “Go ahead.” It was not permission, but rather a dare, and that
I should not do it under any circumstances.
Perhaps the worst mistake I have made is with the word “whatever,” which
I took to mean she didn’t care or have an opinion about what I was about
to do. I couldn’t have possibly known it was her way of saying, “Not only
are you crazy, but you are stupid, too.” However, my most misunderstood
remark was when she would tell me, “Oh, that’s OK,” as she was thinking,
“Oh, what a mistake that is going to be.” She knew that there was no end to
how wrong a person like me could be, yet she allowed me to keep guessing.
So, now I know when she says “Bless his heart” she really means “He is lucky
to be alive,” due to some of the idiotic things I have done. At least I think I
know what she means when she says, “I love you;” and if I don’t, I’m happy
she hasn’t explained it to me yet.
102 I’m not myself today and everybody has noticed the improvement