When I take time to think consciously about
something, I often end up in a dialog with myself.
These conversations usually begin quite civilly,
as I suggest to myself what I think should be done.
When I was younger, this process was usually
short and sweet; however, as I get older, I’m beginning to notice that
I don’t agree with myself as quickly and easily as I once did. Instead, I
find myself becoming somewhat unsure about what should or should
not be done.
Years ago, I developed a technique to prevent myself from
doing foolish things. It involved writing down what I planned to
say to someone, reading it over carefully, making minor corrections,
rewording a few phrases and then throwing the paper away.
This seemed to soothe me, while avoiding a lot of uncomfortable
situations.
I now alleviate all that work by having a discussion with myself,
such as Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof had with God. However, in my
scenario, the discussion is closer to the old cartoon image of an angel
on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The concept is to look at both
sides of a situation. As I have learned, there are always two sides to
anything. It is the “Yin and the Yang” of life that results in every coin
having two sides and every action causing a variety of reactions.
I debate the question with myself, first taking one side, then
the other. But ultimately, it is the questions that I ask myself that
lead to the answers that satisfy me. You will notice that I’m not
trying to find the “right” answer, because there seldom is only one
right answer. Therefore, what I now look for is the “best” course with
which to proceed. It may not be correct, but it will be thought out and
considered from as many angles as I can conceive.
This thoughtfulness is somewhat new to me, as much of my life was
spent acting intuitively with the confident belief that the Golden Rule
would make each decision obvious. It took me awhile to realize that
not everyone thinks and reacts as I do. Therefore, doing unto them as
I would have them do unto me wasn’t necessarily the best course of
action.
My life remains full of inaccurate conclusions, flawed
perceptions and other follies. However, by listening to the
conversations I have with myself, I am often able to achieve a better
comprehension of each dilemma, so that I can follow my ultimate
desire of “doing the right thing.” So, if you see me muttering to myself,
you can be fairly certain that I’m not on a cellphone, but that I am
giving myself a chance to talk myself out of doing something stupid.
This system doesn’t always work, as my wife will assure you. But I
do enjoy speaking with someone I love and respect.
I’m not myself today and everybody has noticed the improvement 15