Brothers and sisters; most of us have one or the other, or both.
Some of us have none. However, most of those who do not
have a sibling, who are referred to as only children, probably
developed a make-believe friend at some time to fill in for
this lack of a family member in their generation. I’m writing
about siblings, because I had three, and I have just lost one of them.
Since I’m the oldest, I had always assumed that I would be the first to
go, and that I would never feel the pain of such a loss. We happen
to be an unusually close family that has shared many happy memories
over the years, despite the fact that each of us ended up going off
in different directions and leading very different lives. Our parents
were smart enough to make each of us believe that they loved us best and
that we were their favorite. This helped prevent us from being envious
of each other. Perhaps because we were so different, we were less
competitive; despite the fact that in our basic beliefs, we all bore the
same intrinsic value systems and feelings that had been instilled in us by
our parents.
Somehow, when you are growing up, you don’t seem to think much
about the effect your siblings are having upon you, and probably
less about how you are affecting them. Yet, study after study
shows that birth order plays an important role in the development of
personality and that the number of siblings in a family unit is
often responsible for a variety of psychological developments during
our formative years. Both my wife Margaret and I are the eldest of
four siblings and tend to have the characteristics of first-born children,
in that we try to set an example by taking on leadership roles, seeking
success and pleasing other people.
That being said, I find it strange at this stage of my life to
suddenly be thinking about my siblings and how impor tant
they have been to me throughout my entire life. I might see
this as an aberration, e x c e p t t h a t Margaret is also closely
connected to her siblings, despite the fact that they live far apart and
have vastly different lifestyles. Each of them, as well, carries the lessons
of their youth together within their psyches, as it continues to be a bond
that gives a special meaning to their relationships as sisters and
brothers. It is a bond of shared experiences that becomes the
reflection of their parents’ behavior, attitudes and beliefs.
It is amazing how we go through life accepting these miracles so
casually, never thinking about them or appreciating them until we lose
them. My sister Marilyn will always be in my heart. But her passing will
make me stop and realize how many other blessings I have had in my
life that I take for granted, just because they have always been there for
me. I didn’t have to do anything to earn them; they were just there. She
enjoyed the fact that she was my sister and that there was nothing I could
do about it.
How many of your blessings have you failed to be thankful for today?
I’m not myself today and everybody has noticed the improvement 35