Webster defines “mellow” as softened and made
gentle, understanding and sympathetic by age and
experience. I plead guilty to the charge. I am now
mellow, and it did not happen by any effort on my
part. I have already decided that the title for my
next book will be I’m Not Myself Today, and Everyone Has Noticed the
Improvement. In my youth, which lasted for more than 50 years, between
the ages of 15 to 65, was not always as calm and reasonable as others
around might have preferred. Some called me intimidating, aggressive,
controlling, unbending, crude, demanding and overbearing. Others
thought that was an understatement. For me, it seemed the logical way
to get things done.
However, in the past 15 years, I have suddenly found myself becoming
philosophical, understanding, patient and forgiving. I had no idea who
this person was that had invaded my body. I began to wonder how I could
get anything accomplished without having a hissy fit or screaming at least
once a day. I even began to allow other drivers to do stupid or careless
things without feeling the need to berate them, like I used to do by banging
on the roof of their cars as they stared in horror at me.
During that period of my life that I refer to as my youth, I knew the
answers to everything and cared deeply how things were done, thinking that
there were only two ways to accomplish anything, my way and the wrong
way. Now I’m not sure about anything, and worse than that, I’m not sure
it matters what is done, or how it is accomplished, as it seems to me as
though fate and destiny are the ultimate players in this game we call life.
Despite the decrease in my passion for everything else, the one passion
that grows on a daily basis is the love for my wife Margaret. Each day I rely
more and more on my relationship with her to bring me the joy of living
that I have always sought. This is particularly startling due to all the years I
spent as a lone wolf attached to only my immediate family, and even then,
I kept them at a distance. Why I have developed this need for another is
probably attributable to my failure to mature earlier in my life, a thing that
even government bonds do within a decade or two.
The self-confessions have a point, and that is that although I
would have once thought mellowing was the result of dementia or
surrender, I realize that it is one of the many gifts that come with age
and enlightenment. Since I don’t drink or use drugs, I never had any
chemical assistance in calming down. What a shame. Obviously, I clearly
could have benefited from loosening up sooner. In light of this, I’ve been
enjoying a side benefit called relaxation. I can sit still and do nothing,
and be very content doing so. I love becoming mellow. It is very soothing
once you let it happen. Please don’t wait as long as I did to learn these life
lessons.
I’m not myself today and everybody has noticed the improvement 83