The Elizabeth Kübler-Ross model, fi rst introduced in the late 1960s, is one of the most
famous reference points used by psychiatrists and psychologists to this day. It lists the fi ve
stages of grief in a very pragmatic way. Pragmatism may be diffi cult for those experiencing
such a huge loss, but there comes a time to delve into the subject.
Instead of avoiding a subject that most feel is better left unspoken of, we’ve compiled the
perspectives of a local therapist and a woman who unexpectedly experienced the loss of
her beloved spouse.
Not everyone experiences all of the fi ve stages explained in the Kübler-Ross model, nor
may the stages be experienced in the same order. However, all may resonate in some way.
Creating a false reality
Denial is the fi rst stage identifi ed in the
model, but it’s more than denying the death
of a spouse. It’s about the sudden onset
of loneliness and the slippery slope to
isolation.
Because grief is universal, most people
tend to experience an initial reaction of
loneliness. However, because the feeling is
subjective, not everyone who experiences
denial feels it in the same way. When a
spouse is part of your heart and home,
you may lose sight of what it means to be
“home.”
Slowly and surely, emotions may rise and
boil over while one moves out of the denial
stage. Suppressed emotions go hand in
hand with denial, but they exist nonetheless.
Getting mad
While dealing with or working through
denial, your emotions may turn into anger.
You start to resent what happened to your
better half. In some cases, the resentment
can be directed at them. Some may feel
that their late spouse held them back in life,
while others may be angry that they’re gone.
Anger could be directed at the fact that
one’s spouse is no longer around, or at the
spouse’s medical assistant or clinician.
Why me? The feeling arises that you’ve
been thrust into a situation you weren’t ready
to handle. Then comes a sudden urge to
think of the reasons why the death of your
partner might not have happened if things
had been done differently. These reasons
may be directed at one’s partner, or one’s
self.