Postponing the inevitable
Intangible bargaining can arise from a
feeling of helplessness. The need to bargain
is often sparked by guilt. Sometimes one
may feel guilty for living through the day the
partner didn’t live through, or seeing the
sunset that their partner never saw.
If only … what if … can encompass all
thoughts. Some may think a deal or promise
would, in turn, help them heal.
Bargaining, however, is postponing what’s
to come. Someone who lost his or her
spouse may be clouded by heavy sadness.
Feeling sad
Depression lies in a bed of bargains.
When a feeling of sadness is uncovered,
it can be debilitating. We may think of
sadness as crying into a bowl of ice cream
or staying in bed through the day, but this
kind of loneliness is rooted in something
deeper. It may feel like it strikes your bones
and settles there.
Because it can cloud one’s perspective,
confusion may be a consequence,
especially when one has twice the life
pressures and fi nancial responsibility
they had before. Sometimes, the feelings
snowball into a solid ball of ice that is hard
to crack open.
Levine understands these stages quite
well: He has an extensive background in
mental health, mediation and law.
Levine obtained his law degree from
Boston University and his clinical social
work degree from Smith College School for
Social Work in Northampton, Massachusetts.
As a clinical psychotherapist, he accredits
therapy as being a catalyst in the healing
process. He is a fi rm believer in the healing
power of emotional expression.
“I’ve never lost a spouse, but we’ve all
experienced loss,” said Robert. “When
I have a client experiencing this type of
trauma, I try to be a steady presence for
them. I’m not a grief specialist, but I am
comfortable dealing with grief.”
He recommends that anyone grieving
needs a close friend or someone who can
lend an ear. Not everyone may understand
one’s pain, but having help or sitting with a
good listener can be comforting.
Facing it all
Acceptance. The word itself is rooted in
chunky syllables. It doesn’t just roll off the
tongue, but instead sounds like it’s spoken
in slow motion. It’s a hard word to see and
even harder to hear.
Despite what people may say, acceptance
doesn’t mean getting on with your life.
It means you understand that the loss has
become a part of your life.
“Time may not heal, but life heals,” said
island resident and therapist Robert Levine.
“I feel there’s a certain wellness factor in
our lives, and I’m happy for a client who
has found peace. That is, unless they are
engaging in unhealthy habits. Most people
have a sense of what’s not healthy while in
the process of coping.”