WHAT I MISS ABOUT FLYING
make sure to gather all your belongings,”
but only one announcer added, “Anything
left behind will be distributed evenly
among the flight attendants, except for
children and spouses, who can be claimed
at the luggage lost and found.”
My personal airline humor is used at
check-in when I request that one bag be
sent to New York and the other to Los
Angeles. I wait for the agent to explain to
me that airline regulations do not allow
them to do that. I then reply, “That is
not true, as that is exactly what you did
the last time I flew with your airline.”
Sometimes, they get that I’m kidding them,
but others have tried to explain to me that
the mistake cannot be made intentionally.
I’ll bet aviators Wilbur and Orville Wright
never imagined that their short flight at
Kitty Hawk, North Carolina would result
in an industry with such conundrums. 9
TRAVEL
By Aaron R. Fodiman
screaming. However, if you are traveling
with a small child, be sure to put your
mask on before helping them with theirs,
and if you are traveling with more than
one small child, pick your favorite, now.”
We also fondly remember being told
that although there may be 50 ways to
leave your lover, there are only four ways
out of the airplane. Then there was the
ominous overwater flight when we were
told that in case of an emergency water
landing, our seat cushions could be used
as floatation devices and were ours to keep
after paddling to shore.
We loved the pilot who hit the brakes
hard on landing and in his best John Wayne
voice said over the intercom, “Whoa, big
fella, WHOA!” As we deplaned, we heard
one passenger ask that captain as he was
bidding everyone good-bye, “Did you land
this plane or were we shot down?”
Of course, almost every flight ends with
the announcement, “As you exit the plane,
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2021 | TAMPA BAY MAGAZINE 139
The COVID-19 pandemic caused us
to decide not to fly anywhere and
to stay local and safe. We have been
there and done that and do not have
anywhere to go on our bucket list, which
now, principally, is to not kick the bucket.
So we spend a lot of time reminiscing and
enjoying our memories of earlier travels.
Therefore, we started thinking about
the things that were said on airplanes by
the crews and occasionally, passengers.
We recalled a Southwest Airlines flight,
where there was no assigned seating, and
the time we were late boarding it because
the plane had been delayed in arrival due
to weather. As everyone just seemed to be
milling around, the flight attendant used
the public address system to say, “Please,
find a seat and sit in it. We are not picking
out furniture here.” We all got the point
and did just that.
Another favorite was when the cabin
attendant – and I use that word because
we aren’t sure whether the term stewardess
is still acceptable – announced on a redeye
flight home from California, “We will
be turning down the overhead lights for
your comfort as well as to enhance the
appearance of your flight attendants.” On
occasion, the captain would add a bit of
humor to our flight by announcing how
pleased he was to work with some of the
best service personnel in the industry and
how much he regrets that none of them
were assigned to our flight.
Perhaps our all-time favorite was the
woman who announced at the beginning
of a flight, “To operate your seat belt, insert
the metal tab into the buckle, the same way
you did in the car you rode in to to get
to the airport, as it works just like every
other seat belt. If you don’t know how to
operate it, you probably should not be out
in public unsupervised.” A close tie to that
one was the announcement that “In the
event of sudden loss of cabin pressure, a
mask will descend from the ceiling that will
be easier to pull over your face if you stop