The P ublisher Po stulates
24 TAMPA BAY MAGAZINE
| JULY/AUGUST 2016
The Mysteries
Publisher / Editor
of Life
By Aaron R. Fodiman
It has always been a mystery to me that a
thermos bottle can keep cold things cold and
hot things hot, since I don’t understand how
it knows which is which.
The older I get, the less I understand. Well, that isn’t entirely true.
It is not so much that I understand less, it is that I notice how many
fewer answers I have. Despite my years of experience, constant
reading and exposure to great intellectuals, I find that most of the
questions I have about life still remain a mystery to me. However, I don’t
feel alone, since I have found that they perplex many others as much as
they do me. Of course, many of the things that mystify me are not nearly
as serious as those of other, more mature adults.
Some conundrums, such as “How do women think?” or “Where do my
stray socks go after they have been put into the dryer?” are infinite. But
as Margaret points out, even if she gave me a detailed instruction manual
on how to best understand her, it would not help me, since I would not
bother to read it. Therefore, I have decided to limit my inquires about why
certain things are the way they are in our everyday English language.
I begin with simple questions such as, “Why do we drive on parkways
and park on driveways?,” or “If people from Poland are called Poles, why
aren’t people from Holland called Holes?” There is also my confusion as to
why “slow up” and “slow down” mean the same thing, just as “fat chance”
and “slim chance”do. Why isn’t there another word for “thesaurus?” Also,
why is the word for “abbreviation” so long? Likewise, why do people sing
“Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” when they are already there? Nighttime
is called “after dark,” although it really is “after light.” Even “phonics”
is not spelled the way it sounds.
I’m sure that, by now, you are beginning to understand my frustration
with not having answers about very simple things. I know something is
out of whack, however, I don’t know what a “whack” is. On the other
hand, I am honored if someone calls me a “wise man,” but offended if
they call me a “wise guy.”
Returning to my original point, there is so much in life that confuses
me as I look for answers to simple questions. I want to do the right thing,
but I am not entirely sure what that is. I want to make people happy but
am not sure what will please someone and what will not. These should
be simple decisions and not unfathomable mysteries, yet I struggle with
them daily. Possibly, the non sequiturs of language are merely metaphors
for my honest concerns about my life and how I should live it. I have often
joked that one has led a perfect life if they have spent all their money by
the time they die. Yet, the question of why I exist and what I am supposed
to be doing with my life continues to haunt me. I have written about this
before and received many personal answers. Yet, I still seek my own key
to these eternal questions. Likewise, even if I were to find a solution to
these mysteries, they would not assist you in your own search. We have
to find our own solutions for those things that concern us.
I wish you good luck on your own quest, and urge you not to give up
looking for answers even if there are not any. I will keep wondering and
searching but, in the meantime, I will pursue my own way to happiness
for both myself and those I care about. 9